Thursday, March 11, 2004

the e stands for "electronic"

My mom is a little behind the times, and she just recently started using e-mail. Only when she says "e-mail," she places a peculiar, slow emphasis on the word, like it's this new technology that not many people know about. I'm glad she's entered the 90's, but man, could she stop forwarding me all this junk? It's all like "Fw: FW: fw: Useful info!" and the text of the message will be some inscrutable "advice" or inspirational whatnot that I would delete immediately, except I feel bad, because it's from my mom. I don't know who's e-mailing the crap to her in the first place, but I would like to meet this person. And then I would like to kill them.

My favorite subject line from one of my mom's e-mails? "Subject: I just called to say I love you, in the words of Billy Joe." OK, so many things wrong with that right there. First of all, it's Billy JOEL, not Billy Joe. Secondly, it was Stevie Wonder who sang "I Just Called To Say I Love You." Third, she's not calling me, she's e-mailing me. Remember? E-mail? The bold new face of computer technology?

Now her new thing is that she's discovered how to change the font and color on AOL e-mail. Suddenly I'm getting e-mails in 14 point neon blue Comic Sans. Oh, the humanity.

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