Sunday, November 28, 2004

couch therapy

I think I've gotten over the worst of my virus, and just in time to be on call tomorrow, where I can pick up a nice fresh illness. Sweet!

Last night, because we (read: I) didn't feel like doing anything that involved a lot of moving around or being outdoors, we rented "Boogie Nights" from Blockbusters. It was kind of a path-of-least-resistance rental, since all the new releases we wanted to watch were already loaned out, and it was the first movie we saw on the rack that neither of us had had seen or had some strongly negative reaction to. (Anyone interested in renting "The Golden Girls, Season 1"? I mean, really. There's nothing as funny as menopause, I'll tell you what.) Anyway, "Boogie Nights" was interesting enough, though I kept thinking how bad Rollergirl's feet must have smelled if she really never took off her skates.

Other movies that I caught (at least in part) this weekend while lying on the dog-smelling couch, clutching weakly at my fleece throw, sucking on a Cepecol lozenge:

  • "Father of the Bride 2." Oh how the mighty have fallen. The first "Father of the Bride" was great, of course. Love it, quote from it by heart, get the little tear in the corner of my eye at the end. But the second one, pardon my clinical incorrectness, is retarded. Oh ha, the daughter and the mother are pregnant at the same time! And Steve Martin is whipped! And then the daughter moves away! But it's OK, because they have a new replacement baby daughter! And Martin Short is somehow inexplicably incorporated into their family, even though he was their wedding planner, like, two years ago! And there's a Culkin kid in it! This movie makes no sense. And also, I resent them because they're so totally rich that they can totally build some "baby suite" addition to their house with all new furniture and toys, instead of just turning some closet into the nursery like normal people.

  • "Mulan." This was just on The Disney Channel this evening. What's the link between "Father of the Bride 2" and "Mulan"? That's right, they both feature B.D. Wong, the Famous Broadway Asian. (Well, he and Lea Salonga, who was also in movie, as the singing voice for Mulan. I guess the go-to list for Asian actors who can sing is kind of short.) In "Father of the Bride," he plays Howard Weinstein, Franck's ambiguously gay assistant. And in Mulan, he voices Li-Shang, Mulan's ambiguously gay captain. (How else do you explain the fact that he's in such good shape, I ask you?) What I don't understand is how come they had to get Donny Osmond (DONNY! OSMOND!) to play the singing voice of Shang. Hasn't B.D. Wong proven that he can sing? He played Linus in the Broadway version of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown," for crap's sake! He could certainly sing that "Be a Man" song. Maybe he just couldn't get through the lyrics without cracking up.

  • "Jingle All The Way." This was an accident. At first I clicked onto the channel and saw Sinbad dressed as some sort of mailman. And I couldn't figure out what movie it was, but thought it might be that one where he pretends to be a dentist so that he could crash at Phil Hartman's house. Then, in the next scene, I saw Arnold Scharzenegger wearing his "madcap" acting face (to contrast with his "steely death mask" acting face) and I realized that I was indeed watching "Jingle All the Way." To quote Arnold himself, "Nooooooooo!" And I changed that channel quickly, quickly, taking care not to look directly at the screen, to prevent myself from going BLIND.

Currently reading: "Salt," and the Cartoon Issue of The New Yorker with the cover by R. Crumb.

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