Thursday, January 20, 2005

cletus the fetus

Everyone, I would like you to meet Cletus. Say "Hi, Cletus."

(Cletus says "hi" back.)

So as you can infer from it's name, Cletus is a fetus. Cletus is our fetus. Cletus is the fetus that lives in my uterus. Which is, I guess, an overly awkward and medicalized way to tell you all that I'm pregnant.

And now, a few answers to some frequently asked questions:

Wait, you're pregnant?



This is a joke, right?
Yes, ha ha! Fooled you! Actually, no, it's not a joke

How did this happen?
Use your imagination.

When are you due?
The end of July, if all things go as planned and those NICU preemies don't put some voodoo preemie hex on me.

Which makes you...
Thirteen weeks along. Yay, second trimester!

Are you excited?
Hells yeah.

How is Joe reacting?
He's Photoshopping little pictures of baseball caps and footballs on all our ultrasounds. Then, to appease me, he Photoshopped in a book, "in case the baby takes after you." So yeah, he's excited too.

How is Cooper reacting?
She's oblivious. But she likes kids. And she'll like having someone smaller than her to boss around. Oh wait, she bosses us around anyway.

What about your job? Aren't you switching residencies in July too? Aren't you going to be flipping out, starting two completely new things at the same time?
Ah, the true mark of a medical professional. It's undeniable that the first thing I thought of after I found out I was pregnant (after "holy shit!") was, "Yes, but what of my career?" This does not make me a bad person, I hope, rather a person who worked hard to get where she is professionally and isn't really looking to give that all up just because she's in a family way. True, it's not going to be the easiest thing in the world to pull off, but it's going to be doable. It's going to be doable because it has to be. This is not a new story, it happens to people all the time. Hell, my own parents did it back in the day (they're both doctors too, and were second year residents when I was born), and I turned out relatively well-adjusted. Unless you consider the fact that I'm SCARRED FOR LIFE. (Kidding, Ma. Kidding.) I talked with the higher-ups in the Anesthesia department, and there were nothing but lovely and cool about the situation, and I look forward to mastering the fine art of multi-tasking with some help from the spouse, our families, and some hired help.

So you have to find a nanny?
Yeah, we're in the process of figuring out how to look for one.

Yeah, but what if the nanny is a crazed psycho killer like in "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle"?
Don't even talk to me.

So how do you feel?
Pretty good, thanks. Earlier on, I was a little tired in the evenings, maybe a little queasy around dinner time (though I was remarkably quease-free in the mornings), but really nothing that different from how I might feel after a long night on call. And now everything is getting better, now that that pesky first trimester is behind us. I had to buy some new clothes, though.

So, are you fatty now or what?
Well, I'm in that curious limbo state where my regular clothes are a smidge tight after meals, but maternity clothes are still ridiculously huge on me. Luckily, scrubs always fit. I don't think you'd be able to tell I was pregnant if you didn't know how I looked normally, but there's a subtle gaining of curves in certain places and loss of curves in others. (But don't think about the details of what I just said too hard, because you're grossing me out.)

Is Cleatus a boy or a girl?
Yes it is. Well, at least I hope it will commit to one sex in the end. But the real answer is that we don't know yet. We do want to find out, though, and we probably will in a month or so, so I'll keep you posted on that one.

I can't believe you're pregnant!
That's not really a question.

It's OK.

So are you going to keep us updated on this whole family thing, thus adding another dimension to this webpage and transforming it into more of a "medical professional balancing work and family" type journal that we can follow along with? Just like those shows on "Lifetime, Television for Women"?
Well, it wasn't really my intent from the outset, but I guess the "balancing work and family" game is just going to be our reality from now on. So: yes. But don't worry, I won't get all sappy about it either.

That's really exciting. Congratulations.
That's not a question either. But thanks.

Currently reading: "Cujo." Still doing the Stephen King thing, while waiting to figure out my next move. I've taken all your book suggestions and placed them into my cart for future perusal, though.

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