the underwear drawer

strategies to ace my glucose tolerance test

1.) Studied for weeks.

2.) Did not eat any breakfast the morning of. My OB said it would be OK to have half a bagel or an english muffin, but there was no way I was giving up those precious blood glucose points for no reason.

3.) Pounded the drink. This is the strategy I tell most of my patients to use for drinking something nasty but medically necessary--CT contrast, for example--but most people insist on taking slow sips, making disgusted faces, then taking a few more sips. Why prolong the misery? Chug that thing. Actually, I am pleased to report that the GTT solution is actually surprisingly palatable. It was refrigerated for one thing, which helped. And there wasn't really that much volume, just a bottle the size of one of those mini soda cans you can sometimes see at receptions or on airlines. Actually, between the light carbonation and the orange flavor, it tasted almost like an orange soda. I had about ten minutes to finish, but guzzled that thing in about a minute and a half. When I returned the empty bottle to the nurse so that she could start the clock, she looked surprised. "Wow, that was really fast."

4.) Brought some light reading (in the form of US Weekly) to keep my mind and body in a Zen, insulin-receptive state. Some pop culture updates from within:

• Britney Spears is pregnant! No, for real! And her boobs are huge!

• Charles and Camilla got married! And Camilla wore a funny hat with feathers on it!

• Julia Roberts was in New York! (Her New York apartment is actually right near our neighborhood.) And she went to Home Depot to buy a shower curtain! And she was wearing big sunglasses!

• Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are totally in loooove! And they don't know why all the tabloids keep printing stories to the contrary, just because they act as though they're filled with barely suppressed contempt and loathing for each other on their reality show!

• Desperate Housewives something something blah blah blah (I didn't pay attention to this "article," as I don't watch this show.)
  

5.) Continued to think Zen, blood glucose-lowering thoughts during my routine exam. Blood pressure? Good. Urine? Good. Heartbeat? Good. (Cal's, not mine.) Talked with my OB about my concerns that Cal, having no knowledge of my scheduling interests, would decide to hang out in there significantly past my due date. Given that I have only 5 weeks of maternity leave, having the baby come even a week overdue could be a real drag. She said she understood my position, and that if nothing was happening au natural by the Monday after my due date (I'm due on a Thursday), we could start thinking about induction. But hopefully, it will all just happen by itself and in a timely manner, because I don't want to be looking at that failed induction/C-section route either.

6.) Got my blood drawn. Did not say anything as the nurse approached the vein at an overly acute angle and totally speared right through it, because I'm polite like that.

7.) Finally, finally, ate lunch. The GTT solution filled me up for a little while, but by the time I got home I was famished. Decided that I probably don't want an orange soda to go with that lunch. In fact, realized that it would probably be a long, long time before I ever wanted to drink another orange soda.


So that's that. Hopefully the results will be good and I won't have to go back for the three hour test, because word on the street is that the glucose solution they make you drink for the three hour test is nasty. My OB said to call her receptionist on Monday for my results, but who are we kidding, I'll probably just look it up myself during one of my ER shifts this weekend.

Currently reading: "Epileptic," still. But I think I've now reached the point with this book where I just want to hurry up and finish so I can start something new. Up next, it's a choice between "The Namesake" and "The Working Poor." I'll have to see if I'm in a fiction or non-fiction mood, I guess.