the underwear drawer

bye, cathy

So this month I'm rotating through Orthopedics again (doing so-called "regional" anesthesia--nerve blocks and such) so I knew that it was finally time to come clean. I knew that at some point, I would be in a room with The Friendly Ortho Nurse, and I knew at that point, she would have to chart my name into the computerized OR record. Then the truth would have to come out. The truth that my name is not Cathy.


MICHELLE
(In the OR, setting up)

FRIENDLY ORTHO NURSE
(Walking in)
Morning, Cathy! Are you in this room today?

MICHELLE
Yep. Ready to rumble.

FRIENDLY ORTHO NURSE
Great, Cath! We have a good room today! And our surgeon is Dr. Green! He's so nice! And he doesn't yell! We're lucky today, Cathy!

MICHELLE
Good news!

FRIENDLY ORTHO NURSE
Yes, we're going to have a good day, Cath!

MICHELLE
Can't wait!

FRIENDLY ORTHO NURSE
Cathy Cathy Cathy!

MICHELLE
Uh...Friendly Ortho Nurse? I have to tell you something embarrassing.

FRIENDLY ORTHO NURSE
What is it, Cathy?

MICHELLE
This is totally my fault.

FRIENDLY ORTHO NURSE
What happened?

MICHELLE
Well...you know how you always call me "Cathy?" Uh...my name is actually Michelle.

FRIENDLY ORTHO NURSE
Ca...Michelle?

MICHELLE
This is totally my fault--at first I thought I heard you wrong, and then I never corrected you, and then it just kind of got out of control. But I should have said something earlier. I am so embarrassed. Sorry.

FRIENDLY ORTHO NURSE
Your name...is Michelle!

MICHELLE
Yeah. Sorry! It's all my fault for not saying something before.

FRIENDLY ORTHO NURSE
(Giving Michelle a hug)
I knew that! I knew you were Michelle! But I called you "Cathy"! I'm so embarrassed!

MICHELLE
(Hugging back)
No, I'm so embarrassed!

FRIENDLY ORTHO NURSE
I do this all the time! I confuse Olson and Phil all the time! And I always think that Mike is Steve and Steve is Mike!

MICHELLE
Yeah, everyone always calls me "Amy" because she and I have the same glasses. It happens to me all the time, so I don't want you to feel bad. But I just wanted to tell you before the day began.

FRIENDLY ORTHO NURSE
Thank you! Oh, how funny! I'm sorry!

MICHELLE
No, I'm sorry. So, what do you say, should we bring the patient in?

FRIENDLY ORTHO NURSE
Sure, Cathy, whenever you're ready.

SCRUB TECH
Dude, she just said her name is "Michelle"!

FRIENDLY ORTHO NURSE
Aaah! I did it again!


So that's the end of that. You know, I was watching this standup routine on Comedy Central a few months back (yes, I am an unemployed man) and the comedian did a bit with the EXACT SAME SETUP, wherein his neighbors got him confused with someone else and consistently called him the wrong name. Until one day someone corrected them, and then they went back to calling the comedian by his real name. But then he was bummed, because he kind of liked the wrong name, and he missed being called "Kevin," or whatever it was that they called him in the bit.

To be clear--I do not miss being called "Cathy."

Currently reading: "Anesthesia Secrets." I have to take my in-service exam in something like six weeks, and after almost a year of doing this, I figure they probably want me to know something.