Joe's watching college football. His favorite team, the Ohio State Buckeyes, is (are?) playing. He loves the football. And I, I do not love the football. I know some people endorse the act of feigning interest in your partner's sports obsession in order to, I don't know, strengthen the relationship or whatever, but I've already used up all my fake interest on my patients. (Ha! I kid! It's real interest! I mean, mostly.)
JOE
I have to watch this game, hon. It's the biggest game of the season.
MICHELLE
That's what you said about that other game a couple of weeks ago.
JOE
Well, this is a big game too.
MICHELLE
There are no small games. Only small players.
JOE
They're playing Iowa! It's the battle of the four-letter vowel states! It's important!
MICHELLE
What is a "Buck Eye" anyway? Some kind of a deer?
JOE
It's a tree.
MICHELLE
A tree? Your team is named after a tree? That's not very intimidating.
JOE
But they have a strong defensive line. Like a row of trees.
MICHELLE
But shouldn't a sports team have a really intimidating, aggressive mascot? Forget the tree, they should be called the Ohio State...uh...Monsters.
JOE
Good idea.
MICHELLE
What's the Idaho team's mascot?
JOE
Iowa.
MICHELLE
Idaho and Iowa are different states now? They should just stop being so confusing and just merge.
JOE
They're not even next to each other.
MICHELLE
Idahowa.
JOE
Ooh, the game's starting.
MICHELLE
And then they should merge with Ohio.
JOE
Shh, game's starting!
MICHELLE
Ohidahowa.
JOE
The Hawk Eyes.
MICHELLE
What?
JOE
That's the name of the Iowa team.
MICHELLE
Are you for real? The Hawk Eyes versus the Buck Eyes?
JOE
Yes.
MICHELLE
Someone should be the Bug Eyes. That would be more scary.
JOE
Shit, I'm getting paged! I can't believe I'm getting paged during the game!
MICHELLE
If we end up moving to Columbus, are you going to force us to go to these games? And if we do, can I get a nacho hat?
Currently reading: "Bad Blood: The Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment." From a medical ethics class I took in college. Not exactly entertaining, but interesting.
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