the underwear drawer

warning: may contain avocados

We had Mexican takeout last night, which came with a side of fairly crappy guacomole. After making the fairly strong statement that anyone could make guacomole better than that, I set out to make a batch of my own today. I've made guacomole a handful of times in the past with some good success (most notably for a party we hosted, despite using a few avocados that were a little under-ripe) so I figured that I would use the same recipe and things would turn out delicious. There were some doubters in the studio audience, however.


JOE
Are you going to find a recipe?

MICHELLE
No, I'm just going to make it the same way I always do. It's usually pretty good.

JOE
Maybe you should find a recipe.

MICHELLE
What recipe? They're all pretty much the same.
What, you didn't like the guacomole I made last time?

JOE
It's just a little bit...avacado-y.

MICHELLE
What?

JOE
It tastes avacado-y.

MICHELLE
It's supposed to taste avacado-y. It's guacomole. It's an avacado dip.
That's like saying, "I don't like this peanut butter. It tastes too peanut-y."

JOE
But there are supposed to be other things in it too.

MICHELLE
I know! Look in the shopping bag! Tomatoes, onions, lime juice.
I mean, if you don't like avocados, maybe you shouldn't eat guacomole.

JOE
I like avocados. I'm going to look for a guacomole recipe.

MICHELLE
I dare you to find one that's better than mine.

JOE
(Walking back into the kitchen with his Moosewood cookbook)
Let's see...

MICHELLE
Oh man, take your hippie cookbook and get out of here.
She's probably going to tell us to put wheat germ in it.

JOE
Do you put...garlic in your guacomole?

MICHELLE
Yes.

JOE
Oh. OK.

MICHELLE
Look, in the year 2012, when you decide that you actually want to cook something again, you can make your guacomole however you want. But until then, you're eating this guacomole. With avocados in it.

JOE
In 2012? I'm going to make Space Ice Cream.

MICHELLE
I have one complaint about that. It's too icy.
And creamy. Wait, that's two complaints.


TASTY AVOCADO-FLAVORED GUACOMOLE

5 ripe avocados
2 small plum tomatos
1/2 of a red onion
1 tbs minced garlic
lime juice
salt
pepper

1.) Peel the avocados and break them up into chunks
2.) Roughly dice the tomatoes and onions
3.) Dump everything into a big bowl with the minced garlic
4.) Add a splash or two of lime juice
5.) Mix it all up, smushing the avocados in the process. If you want a chunkier guac, smush less.
6.) Salt and pepper to taste.

(Yes, it was delicious.)