the underwear drawer

after a brief absence, some things

So I go on some pro-vaccine bender and then don't post here for a few weeks. Sorry guys. Things have been busy all up in here.

Thing #1: So, I finished the final FINAL round of edits on the manuscript (also delayed by a few weeks due to Busy All Up In Here syndrome) and now I assume it is being combed through by the good people at the legal department at Grand Central Publishing, who I assume will help me purge it of the sue-worthy bits--not that the book is slanderous in any way, I would say everyone comes off as looking pretty good except for me, who comes off anywhere between dilettante and bumbling in my various rookie endeavors. But who knows, I am no expert when it comes to matters of defamation. I assume that they're at the very least going to make me change some names--all patient names and identities have already been changed of course, but most of the attendings' names are real, partially to give them credit for the roles they played (the good kind of credit), but also because I would start to have a hard time keeping people straight. Anyway, godspeed to you, legal department.

Thing #2: I cut Mack's hair! By myself! I was going to go the hippie mom/Hasidic Jewish mom route and just let it grow until he turned three, but it started to look really messy and crazed, like some species of mountain man. So I did it sort of sequentially, snipping at his hair about three times over the course of last weekend, and I deliberately left the front a little long to preserve that baby hair look as long as I could. But all false modesty aside, I think he looks pretty darn cute, like a little preppy. From Ted Kaczynski to Ted Bundy. Or something.




(That is a BEFORE photo, from the day prior to his haircut. It's not a terribly good picture of Mack but it's the best one I have to convey to you the fact that his hair was all over the damn place. I know, what you really want to see is an AFTER photo, but I don't have a picture of that yet, despite the fact that it was BABY'S FIRST HAIRCUT and it happened a week ago. Because I am lazy and also I don't love my kid at all.)

Thing #3: Other gratuitous baby picture!




Ha! He thinks he's people! (I was frantically pushing his hair behind his ears to get this photo, otherwise his mop would be completely consuming his face. You will be pleased to know that I didn't use any spit pomade, though as his mother it was totally in my right.)

Thing #4: We took the training wheels of Cal's bike. Personally, it took me a long time to learn to ride a two-wheeler (I don't think I learned until I was about eight), which I blame on three factors:

1. General lack of athleticism and coordination
2. Growing up in Manhattan
3. Somewhat inscrutable biking instructions from my father to "turn the way you tilt, tilt the way you turn," which, even if you have some intuitive sense of how to bike without falling over, is kind of confusing and requires more thought than gravity will allow.

Cal seems unencumbered by my baggage, however, and seems to have taken to the stripping of his training wheels like some kind of normal kid with a normal vestibular system. Though he has to be reminded that, unlike his training-wheeled bike, if he stops pedaling, he will fall over. Just like how a shark will die if it doesn't keep swimming. (Luckily, Joe is the lead coach instead of me and he didn't say that last part.)




(Above: Cal pre-training wheel-stripping executing one in a series of what he calls "Cool Tricks." Other cool tricks include riding his bike with a variety of limb-extended-tongue-protruding combos.)

Thing #5: Is anyone out there getting the iPad first pass? Anyone? I was of the mind to wait until the second generation at the least (in the hopes that future iterations will include a camera), but Joe has been bitten by the gadget lust bug and seems to want to go for it this summer. Of course, he also jumped on the iPhone bandwagon very early, and doesn't even seem that embittered that they dropped the price of the first iPhone something like $200 a few weeks after he got his. I say fool me once, shame on Steve Jobs, fool me twice, shame on me for falling under the hypnotic spell of Steve Job's black turtleneck, but we'll see. Anyway, we theoretically may be seeing a little more money from my book advance later in the spring (they dole it out in goal-defined increments so you don't just roll over and give up when the going gets tough, I suppose), so perhaps we could have our own version of "Ramona and her Father," where we get treats on payday, like a sack full of gummy bears or dinner at Whopperburger.

(I really want to wait for the iPad to have a camera, though.)

Edited to add one more thing: OK, I have been shamed into it. Here is a post-haircut picture of Mack:




(As always, he looks vaguely appalled.)