Friday, June 29, 2012

true labor, false labor, and that liminal space between

Hey there! Are you alive? Me too!

I'd been having a pretty rough week at work--on call over the weekend, later days, tough cases--and starting Wednesday morning,  I noticed a change in how my body was feeling.  First of all, Thing 3 felt much lower, like a bowling ball sitting on my coccyx.  I was also noticing an uptick of contractions accompanied by back pain, which is not the usual for me (Braxton Hicks contractions usually concentrate on the front, and I'm lucky that I haven't had much musculoskeletal back discomfort with this pregnancy at all) that would come and go--I'd like to say that I was scrupulous about timing these contractions, but I was at work and running around and I really didn't have time to attend to their frequency until much later in the afternoon, when I finally had a chance to sit down.  I will also say that there were a spectrum some other symptoms that I'm too polite (read: shy) to talk about but that you can read about after searching "signs of labor" in Google.  Something was different.  Something was happening.

I'm more of the type to sort of wait things out until something declarative occured, but the one thing is that for these past two pregnancies (three? I can't remember with Cal) I've been GBS positive, which means that I need to receive at least one round of penicillin prior to delivery.  The window for getting the antibiotics (I've been told--it's been a long time since I've done Peds and I don't purport to know anything about OB except what applies to the anesthetic management therein) is four hours, and my OB pointed out on my last visit, when I was 2-3 cm dilated on exam and 50% effaced, that this is my third child, and as a faster delivery could be expected, that with signs of impending labor I should high-tail it to the hospital sooner rather than later.  "Usually I say when the contractions are every 5 minutes apart," he said, "but for you, maybe every 8 minutes."  At the point in the afternoon when I could actually sit down and look at a clock, I was having contractions about every 5-7 minutes apart.

I sat and debated what I should do for a while.  On one hand, I'd been working all day, which tends to make the old uterus a little more irritable--it could all settle down once I got home.  But other the other hand...the other thing.  I thought some more.  The kids were at home, with our nanny.  The hospital where I work is directly across the street from the hospital where I plan to deliver.  Did I want to go home, relieve our childcare, and then find myself in a situation where I had to rush back in, with two kids in tow?  Also, Joe was working at an office location more than an hour away that day.  Did he need to rush back into town?  Did he need to reschedule any of his patients for the next day, or the rest of the week?  I had no real answers, and I figured the only way to get more data was just to go in to L&D and get checked, even if I did run the risk of being perhaps overly cautious.

On L&D, they noted that I was 4 cm dilated, 70% effaced, and contracting about every 5-7ish minutes. So they had me on a monitor, put me in a bed, and said they'd be back to check me again in an hour, to see if I'd progressed.  An hour later, the same nurse came by to check--I was now having contractions every 2-3 minutes, and by her exam, I was dilated to 5 cm.  She called back the OB on call, who decided to admit me to the floor.

"I guess I should call my people at work," I said hesitantly to the nurse.  "I mean, should I?  Should I tell them I night not be at work tomorrow?"

"Oh no, you're not going in tomorrow," the nurse said.  "You're having a baby tonight."

So...OK.  I got an IV.  I got my antibiotics.  I settled in for the night with a toco monitor and a fetal heart rate monitor strapped to my gut parts.  Our nanny stayed overnight with the boys.  Joe came in with the bags and slept on the most uncomfortable couch sleeper ever.  Since I was only 37 and a half weeks at the time (I'll be 38 weeks on Sunday) they actually couldn't give me anything to hurry the process along (I've gotten Pitocin aumentation for my prior two deliveries) and I guess that was fine, because overnight, the contractions started getting more irregular, spaced out, and then kind of petered out to every 10-15 minutes.  In the morning, a new nurse came in, the kind of nurse that I would have been terrified of as a med student but now as an attending I love--a gruffly, senior nurse, direct and to the point--and told me, "You know, I don't think you're in true labor."

I said I kind of wish I had been told that before our little slumber party, but I knew in actuality it had been a tough call.  3rd pregnancy, GBS positive, seemingly regular contractions with progression on exam on admission--I don't fault the original team for tilting towards caution and admitting me "in labor."  I think my OB was torn too.  "We have two choices here," he told me.  "The risk of fetal lung immaturity at this stage is really very low, but because it's a possibility, the literature tells us not flat-out induce prior to 39 weeks.  However, it's hard sending someone home who's 4-5 cm and contracting.  I guess if we gave you Pit it wouldn't really be an induction so much as an augmentation.  But then again..." he thought some more, "you're not contracting as much now.  You said you came straight from work yesterday?"  I confirmed that I did.  He kind of cocked his head, considering the options.  "It's a bit of a tough call.  I think we have two choices.  One is we can keep you here and watch you.  The other thing is we can send you home and wait until you declare yourself there."

Having already spent a night in the hospital, I was not crazy about spending another day there unless, you know, I knew I was getting a baby out of the deal.  Also, as a former Peds person, I knew he was right--that at 37 and 4/7 the likelihood of lung immaturity, especially for a baby girl, is very, very low.  Yet...we spend our lives minimizing risk for our kids, and if she wasn't quite ready to come out yet, then I didn't want to be the one making the decision to force her out.

Don't get me wrong, I'm as ready for this pregnancy to be over as the next lady, but also, you know, I want to be a rational person about things, not like those ladies who show up to L&D at 37 weeks on the dot demanding TAKE THIS BABY OUT OF ME NOW.  I could handle a little more discomfort and waiting.  The uncertainty I'm not crazy about, nor the idea of having a precipitous delivery in the car, but...we live pretty close to the hospital, and we have a pretty fast car.  I told him I that if it was OK in his judgement, I would like to go home.

So, that's why I'm home.  After some deliberation (and I know this will seem crazy to many of you, but my OB even said that medicine is the only field where he's encountered people that are determined to work up until the very second the baby is crowning) I have decided to start my maternity leave five days earlier than scheduled.  On one hand, it kills me to not be at work when, you know, I'm not doing anything else (I've always said that a single day spent on maternity leave without a baby is a DAY WASTED--yes, I get paid for work, but it's more than that, it's the idea of being at a place where people need you and you're useful and where you're sharing responsibility with others) but I think that at this point it's the best idea.  I have to remind myself that I'm not doing my patients or my partners any favors by weeble-wobbling in at 5 cm dilated with the omnipresent risk of having to leave their case unexpectedly and emergently right before, you know, the cross-clamp comes off the aorta.  I know it sounds like an obvious decision to most people, but believe me and try not to judge too hard the medical culture when I tell you: it feels a little like a cop-out to me.

So!  Here I am!  At home!  Contracting some, a little uncomfortable but feeling basically the same (they confirmed that Thing 3's head is at -1 station which probably explains why I feel like I have a baby coming out of my butt) and I'm hoping that we'll declare ourselves one way or the other and head back into L&D sometime soon.  Today my plan is to walk around, like, a lot, though yes, I will be safe and not over-exert and hydrate adequately, given that the 5 day weather forecast for Atlanta looks a little something like this:

Did I mention that I'll be 38 weeks on Sunday?  And the next time we feel the need to go into L&D for a little visit, we're not leaving without a damn baby?  Lord.

For the craft-minded, I made that skirt (love seersucker), made a pair of boxer shorts for Cal out of the same leftover fabric, and last night made a flannel fitted crib-sheet for the baby after I realized while in the hospital that if we'd actually brought her home today, she'd be sleeping on a bare Ikea mattress.  Might as well be useful somehow, right?


  1. Oh, goodness. Congratulations...sort of? At least you're being productive at home. I've heard a half cup of castor oil that is CHUGGED works miracles in the early contraction stages of pregnancy.

    However, I am neither a doctor nor a pregnant person, so take that with a grain of salt. I just wanted to be the first of many, "Do THIS to make your labor start!" comments :)

    1. I got that gem of info. here: WHAT? You have nothing to do! I give you reading material now!

    2. Also increases the risk of mec liquor - because it works by making everyone open their bowels++

    3. EW. Thanks for the info. Aussiedoc. See, I told you I'm not a doctor or a pregnant person!

  2. I remember my OB saying the exact same thing when I showed up to his office (twice) after some harrowing MICU calls (that, after the usual lecture about why I was doing MICU rotation 8 months pregnant), that people in medicine don't know when to stop and never take maternity (like normal people) prior to the baby coming out. I blame it on my mom; she delivered my sister when on call- simply walked down to L&D after her call and there it was! You describe the same reason we show up to work sick, and don't take time unless you're HOSPITALIZED, because a) this is just not how Osler and Halsted did it and your attendings never did that, and b) you don't want to dump your responsibilities on other people in the call pool (which I feel shrinks as you move up the resident to fellow and even to attending ladder). But anyway, kudos to you for recognizing what's right for you (and being normal!)... and we all learn our lesson, I think, because no way I'm working up until my water breaks (like I did with my baby!).

  3. Anonymous9:47 AM

    I feel for you--that ticking time bomb stage of the pregnancy (although thankfully short) is awful. Hope it passes by quickly and you have your sweet baby soon!

  4. Woww-well, the sewing is mighty impressive :) And congratulations (soon!)-next time you post, there better be a baby girl being held by Cal and Mack!

  5. Anonymous10:53 AM

    Love following your blog. Right choice getting checked out with Thing 3. My thing 3 was unpredictable. Thing 1 - 27hrs of gawd-awful back labor and grateful every second for the drugs. Thing 2 - perfect - arrive at hospital at noon, baby at 430. Thing 3 - contractions all day, slowing to almost 30 min apart by 8pm, then suddenly - bam (a click, a little leaking) and contractions go to one on top of the other in about 5 minutes. Fast inlaws to watch thing 1&2, fast car, no traffic...and thing 3 arrived less than 15 minutes after arrival...and would have been quicker had they not been holding her in. When they decide they're ready, they're ready. Good luck!

  6. PattyMadeIt11:44 AM

    I am not in the medical field, but I do understand your feeling like it's a "cop-out" ... but it's not, and you know it .. and you can fill your "wasted" days with the boys and sewing and walking. Oh - as for the weather forecast ... here in Phoenix it's gonna be 112 - 112- 112 - 108 - 103 .... I know the feeling! Stay hydrated! Enjoy the sunshine. Hope to hear the update soon! Good luck.

  7. Hooray! Sort of. Relax, get rest and go have a babay! (Can't wait to see pictures.)

  8. Anonymous1:06 PM

    1. that is an amazing pattern, i think you all need something made of that pattern for a family photo.
    2. thing 3 wants a grand entrance, cannot blame her for demanding what is rightfully hers. everyone is excited to meet her!

  9. Molly1:35 PM

    Good call! Cant wait to see the baby!

  10. Anonymous2:30 PM

    So excited for you. Can't wait to see your baby girl. Good luck and know that so many people are so happy for you.


  11. Congratulations, and tell Joe that we want pictures. Also, ask for one of the air mattresses. They are much more comfortable than the regular ones.

  12. Anonymous6:36 PM

    You one smart lady! Thing 3 and you deserve to have a healthy delivery, and I am confident that the hospital will continue to care for patients appropriately in your absence!

  13. I'm a NICU nurse working 90+ minutes away from where I live (and plan to deliver) and I'm already feeling guilty about my plan to go out on maternity leave at 38 weeks. The money! The need to be needed! The desire to be more useful than my current m.o. when at home of late (3rd trimester has hit me hard and I've been doing a lot of napping and hanging out in the air conditioning)!

    Good luck, girls! We'll be thinking of you! :)

  14. Anonymous10:08 PM

    Good luck and take care of yourself. My husband is a surgery resident. I'm preggers with thing 2 and a wild toddler at home. You are not wasting time doing nothing...resting before the baby gets here is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. Sounds like you've been running a marathon. Getting in touch with this new baby, new gender, etc is a good thing for all involved it's just hard to quantify. And above all, even doctors need to learn to be good patients. Take care of yourself first. I promise the hospital will not fall apart if you're sitting at home sewing letting your little chicken cook for a few more days/weeks. Everyone knows you are hard working. It's time to take care of yourself and your baby....have I said that enough?!:)

  15. Anonymous3:20 PM

    did you eat the eggs/food that the patient brought Joe?

  16. You're a rock star. Hoping for the best for you and Thing 3!

  17. Anonymous10:30 PM

    Just saw from the Tumblr feed that you're back at the hospital again!! Good luck -- and you didn't end up missing much work after all!

  18. Anonymous2:44 AM be 37 weeks pregnant in July in Georgia. That's fortitude. Best wishes

  19. Anonymous9:33 AM

    Saw the news on twitter. Congratulations!

  20. Anonymous11:48 AM

    congratulations Michelle, Joe and family!

  21. Saw the picture. She looks so sweet. Congrats!

  22. Anonymous1:07 PM

    She looks just like you! What a doll. Congratulations to you and your beautiful family!

  23. medrecgal5:35 PM

    Just saw the pics on cute!! Congratulations to all!

  24. after Nina Simone?

  25. Beautiful! Congratulations! So alert, as they say, and love the chillin'.

  26. What a beautiful girl .. as a silent follower (first time posting a comment) I have been crazily checking back to see any updates. So excited to see the pictures!! Congratulations to your whole family!

  27. Anonymous6:07 PM

    Congratulations!! She is beautiful and she looks just like you! What a wonderful new addition to the fam!

  28. Anonymous6:54 PM

    She is a beautiful baby and I agree with those who have said she looks just like you. Congratulations!! :)

  29. Anonymous8:38 PM

    Yay! CONGRATULATIONS! And finally some more estrogen in the house! I'm sure it's a nice change to not have a house filled with men all the time. =)

  30. Congratulations! She is adorable and I loved the Green Lantern family photo.

  31. Constance11:54 PM

    Michelle! She's beautiful! Congratulations to both you and Joe! Cal and Mack will be super older brothers. Can't wait to see pics of Nina wearing some of the clothes you made for her!!

  32. So I'm reading this on July 4, which is amusing. Congratulations on that gorgeous baby.

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  34. عملائنا الكرام اذا كنت تبحث عن افضل واقوي شركة شركة تركيب اثاث ايكيا بالرياضفى هذا المجال كما انها تتميز بالصدارة بين الكثير من الشركات المتواجدة في الرياض
    كما اننا متقدمين عملائنا الكرام بتقديم افضل خدمات شركة تركيب باركية بالرياضمع توفير امهر الفنيين في تركيب اثاث ايكيا كما اننا نعلم جيدا تعدد حاجات عملائنا من احتياج الفنيين والمتخصصين في عمليات فك وتركيب اثاث ايكيا بالرياض واحتاجهم لتواجد المساعدين لانجاز مهامهم بدقة وعلي اكمل وجة ممكن
    شركة تركيب ستائر بالرياض
    فأننا نحيط علمكم اذا كنت تريد تركيب اي اثاث في منزلك فلديك شركة تركيب غرف نوم بالرياضبالطرق الحديثة والمتطورة في عالم تركيب غرف النوم الصيني بطريقه سليمة وسريعه في نفس الوقت وبأيدي افضل واقوي متخصصين وفنيين وخبراء في شتي مجالات تركيب الاثاث والغرف الصيني في غاية الدقة والكفاءة
    فني تركيب غرف نوم شركة خبراء المملكة لتركيب جميع انواع الاثاث الايكيا بأحدث الوسائل فأن خبراء المملكة لها تاريخ كبير في عالم تركيب ستائر بالرياض كما اننا نتميز بالصدارة لسمعتنا الجيدة والمشرفة وهذا بشهادة عملائنا جميعهم فنحن نقدم لهم جميع
    الخدمات المتعلقة بالمنازل والشركات ونحن دائما نعمل لتوفير الراحة الدائمة لعملائنا كما انك تجد الخبرة والجودة الفائقة بشركة تركيب اثاث ايكيا بالرياض

    فني تركيب اثاث ايكيا بالرياضيقوم الفني بتركيب جميع الغرف الصيني الحديثة لخبرتة العالية والكبيرة في مجال تركيب الغرف الصيني فأ>ا كنت تريد شركة موثوق بها فأليك شؤكة خبراء المملكة لتركيب اثاث ايكيا بالرياض فنحن لدينا العديد من الخدمات المتنوعة التي تفيد عملائنا الكرام لاننا نسعي دائما الي التطوير وتحقيق كل ما يسعي اليه عملائنا الكرام عزيزي العميل اذا كنت في اي مكان بالرياض وتريد شركة تركيب عفش بالرياضبمنزلك او مكتبك فلديك خبراء المملكة من افضل الشركات التي تقوم بتركيب شتي انواع الاثاث الايكيا بالرياض
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  35. شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرس
    مكافحة النمل الابيض بالرس
    شركة رش مبيدات حشرية بالرس
    الحشرات تسبب ضرر كبير على الانسان حيث انها اصل الامراض والاوبئة ولهذا يلجأ اى شخص يتواجد اى شكل من انواع الحشرات بمنزله الى مكافحة هذة الحشرات وفى مدينة الرس بالمملكة العربية السعودية يوجد العديد من شركات مكافحة الحشرات و لكن افضلهم هى شركة مكافحة حشرات الرس وذلك لانها تتميز بمميزات عديدة
    شركة مكافحة حشرات ببريدة
    مكافحة النمل الابيض ببريدة
    شركة رش مبيدات حشرية ببريدة
    تعتبر الحشرات من المخاطر التى تهدد حياة الانسان لانها تنقل الامراض و تصيب الانسان بالامراض والضرر و تنتشر الحشرات فى المملكة العربية السعودية بسبب حالة الطقس بها و من افضل شركات مكافحة الحشرات شركة مكافحة حشرات بريدة وتقوم بمكافحة كافة انواع الحشرات وتستخدم الشركة افضل انواع المبيدات الحشرية و ادوات متطورة وحديثة فى رش المبيدات و تستخدم عمالة لديهم خبرة ومدربه.شركة مكافحة حشرات بعنيزة
    مكافحة النمل الابيض بعنيزة
    شركة رش مبيدات حشرية بعنيزة


  36. نظافة المنازل عملية مرهقة ولابد من اتباع خطوات لتتم اعمال تنظيف المنازل بصورة جيدة ، ننصحك بالاتصال بافضل شركة تنظيف منازل بجدة متطورة محترفة تعمل على تنظيف جميع محتويات المنازل اتصل الان