The second thing I concluded is that I should start speaking in the voice of Morgan Freeman.
Anyway, I'll keep working at it, thank you for indulging me while I work out the details. Hey, you liked seeing my toilet though, right? Did you notice how there were boxes of soap all over the water tank? That's so the rats wouldn't get them. I know rats can climb on toilets too, but they really, really liked gorging themselves in the cozy darkness of the bathroom drawers, so those are bare now.
Lord, I can't wait to move.
The closing date on our new house was Friday, and it went very smoothly. Everyone talks about how their closing date was the most stressful day of their lives, but those people obviously haven't taken a medical Board exam, or, you know, five of them. Our closing day was actually pretty fun. First we did a walk-through of the house to make sure that it hadn't burned down to the ground since the last time we saw it, or somehow been decimated in the move-out effort. Of course it wasn't. The former owners are such nice people that the husband was actually still doing yardwork in the back a mere two hours before he gave up possession of the place to us. Yardwork! Are these people real? And it's now because the backyard looked bad, by the way--you just got the sense that they had taken a lot of pride in the house and it was only natural that they'd want to send it off looking as pristine as possible. Lord, I hope we don't trash the place just by living there with our kids and dog and terrible furniture.
Anyway, after the walk-through we had lunch and went to this lawyer's office, and there we signed approximately eleventy billion pieces of paper. They were all pretty routine and matched all the numbers we'd already seen--the only that gave me pause was this one small box that gave the total amount of money that we'd be expecting to pay over the course of the 30-year mortgage, counting the interest and everything.
I pointed. "Wait, how much are we going to be paying by the year 2041?"
The lawyer just smiled sympathetically and shook her head. "Just don't look at that part."
So anyway, we signed all the papers and everyone hugged (I don't know if hugging is normal during a house closing, but what can I say, WE WERE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER) and then Joe and I drove back to our NEW! HOUSE! and looked at everything in wonderment. We looked at our kitchen. We looked at our fireplace. We looked at our yard. We looked at our door. Our first house! Such a cool thing.
We're not moving for a few weeks yet (the house is in really good condition but we're trying to get a few things done that are best done before there's furniture and toys everywhere--replacing some older carpeting, painting a few walls, dealing with miscellaneous maintenance issues) but I can't wait to move in. Cal can't wait to get the bunk bed we promised him and to start planting raspberries in the backyard. And Mack can't wait to brush his teeth in the little tiny sink that's just his size.
Hope your week is starting off right.
Congratulations! Having closed on 3 (!) houses now, the mound of paperwork (and that mortgage number) are always daunting. Welcome to home ownership!
ReplyDeleteYou new house has a bidet??? That's amazing! And hilarious. Hope all of you will put that to good use. Especially Cooper.
ReplyDeleteOoooh, those things are tiny sinks!?! Man, and all this time I've been...uh, nevermind. How embarrassing! :) Congrats on the new house and good luck with the move!
ReplyDeleteI was sort of kidding, but a small part of me is really tempted to just disinfect the hell out of that bidet and let Mack use it to brush his teeth. Even with the little step stool, he's too short for the regular sink, and ends up spitting toothpaste and rinse water everywhere. If no one actually uses the bidet for, uh, perineal cleansing, that's not gross, right?
ReplyDelete(OK, it's still a little bit gross.)
Is that a giant sun porch? How amazing! The boys can ride bikes all year round. As for the bidet-turned-sink, I'd do it. I'm not the only parent who has washed out underpants in the sink, right? (Should I have admitted to that?) That's what Clorox products are made for!
ReplyDeleteIf thoroughly cleaned, I don't know that it'd be any grosser than some of the stuff that happens in the sink ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou are living the dream, baby! So exciting and exhausting and rewarding. Your description brings back memories of our first home purchase on the east coast. We planted the best raspberry patch, too, and Doc would go out in the mornings before breakfast and be Hunter Gatherer Man, bringing fresh berries to our table. Ahhh...those were the days. He just finished (but still has dictations, natch) the last of ten 30-hour shifts this month, and is now too tired to drive home. Remember the good old days?
Have fun! ♥
I am glad you realized that some editing would be in order on your video! I liked the story, but it took a bit to actually get there and you don't want to give the impression that your book would be rambly.
ReplyDeletewow, this is just a gorgeous house. the yard is so elegant, and i'm thinking you and joe will have such an awesome time using that conservatory during the winter months, when your ability to enjoy sunshine/vitamin d absorption is not limited by 30 degree weather. (can you make vit d through glass panes? I'm going to pretend the answer is yes.)
ReplyDeletealso, i suggest taking over the bidet bathroom and using it for leg shaving. my family in the UK has one, and that's what my cousins and aunt use it for. my uncle, the outnumbered male, has gamely surrendered.
I am looking at the photo of the bidet and confused on..well..physical positioning. I thought bidets shot water upward,, see my knowledge of the things is limited. Well, anyway..enjoy the new home and lots of luck working that bidet thing out without flooding the entire bathroom.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog, I loved your video, and I love your house!
ReplyDeleteI will also love your book.
Logistically, I see no problem with using the bidet as a tiny sink. However, at some point Mack will grow up and learn what a bidet really is, and feel really dumb, grossed out or both.
ReplyDeleteYour new house is beautiful! The French doors are beautiful and the yard is beautiful. I love it!
ReplyDeleteYour house is gorgeous! I love how there are lots of windows =)
ReplyDeleteHonestly though, up until this post, I've never seen or even heard of a bidet before xD So when I looked it up wiki, I was like "wait, so that's NOT a urinal?"
Congrats on the house =)
I don't think sterilizing and using the bidet as a teeny sink would be all that gross. I probably wouldn't have said that before I have kids. But with two boys, my sense of what qualifies as gross has shifted waaay back.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on closing!
Agree with ZANE re: positioning. The bidet spout seems to pointing in the wrong direction to be washing one's perineal area....
ReplyDeletewhat a funny little sink :)
ReplyDeleteYOU HAVE A BIDET!!!! My husband is very jealous.
ReplyDelete(The water is not positioned wrong -- it's supposed to point down, and then you scoop the water onto yourself and wash yourself that way. Then you wash your hands (obviously).)
And I totally think that if you disinfect it, Mack can use it as his own private sink. Just don't think about it too hard.
There is SCOOPING of water involved in bidet use? This is exceedingly complicated.
ReplyDeleteWhat I really want is one of those Japanese toilets that talk to you.
I was totally repulsed by this myself. Even if you are supposed to wipe first. And then after you "wash" yourself, you use a towel that's hanging by the bidet to dry off? Even grosses. Maybe some bidets squirt up, but not any of the ones I've seen in France or Italy. And then there's still the problem with the (I'm assuming) communal towel.
ReplyDeleteBlimey, a bidet!!! As a Southern European, I'm very partial to bidets. Anglos often need to be educated about them so if you're not that fond of scatological details quit reading now. THAT is a proper bidet and I was muchly thrilled! It even has a mixing faucet (or whatever it's called) so you don't scald important bits. Trust me. You don't "wash" yourself with a bidet, you WASH yourself, literally. Why would anyone want a squirting one though? They are non-existent here, they're basically aerosolisation machines - not quite what you want when attempting cleanliness. Frankly, I don't see how you can be a pre-menopausal woman and live without a bidet. Actually, I don't see how you can be a human in full possession of a digestive system and not have a bidet. Well you can but you're not really going to be _clean_ are you. It's not gross at all, not using a bidet is, IMO, you just walk around with it - as it were - until you shower again, there's a limit to what wiping can do. Children here are taught to wash their bums after pooping from an early age, I'd say an acute sense of personal hygiene and lack of skid marks is as far from gross as it could possibly go. What do you lot do in the shower anyway, you have to wash yourselves too, how is it that much different from a bidet? You use loads of soap anyway, soap is a splendid thing, ask the common cold. Everyone has their own bidet towel, btw, there's no bidet towel sharing, ever. EVER. You dry yourself with the bidet towel the same way you dry yourself with a shower towel, same principle applies, i.e., you are now clean. See? A thing of beauty, I tell you.
ReplyDelete