more text message exchanges in the two doctor household

JOE
How's it going?

MICHELLE

Good. Finishing a case now.  You out of the OR?

JOE
Yup.

JOE
Totally nailed a big cosmetic reconstructive case today.

MICHELLE

You should really use sutures, not nails.

JOE

D'oh!

allergies: dr. au




I left my Diet Coke in the fridge at the urology center the week before. Luckily someone labeled and saved it for me.

identify that medical equipment, "get your mind out of the gutter" edition




I know what it is, and I still can't quite figure out why exactly it has to be shaped like this.

60 posts in 60 days, day 10: the heart, el corazon



A Post-it note I found on the sidewalk out in front of the hospital.

but at least now I know what to put in front of our door for next halloween




Dear ICU staff: the next time you leave out your somewhat-lifelike-from-a-distance ACLS training dummy on a stretcher in front of the unit, causing everyone passing by to stop and check whether of not some poor, neglected patient has been forgotten out in the hallway, please make sure that dummy has a less scary face.

I'm going to have nightmares for weeks.

not exactly inspiring confidence

a variation on the rubber mallet

Found in one of the drawers in the anesthesia work room over on labor and delivery:





I believe this is known as "gallows humor".

difficult to argue that logic

Printed on the first page of our OB Anesthesia syllabus, this quote, from one of our attendings circa 2001:

"You're going to die eventually, and all your knowledge will die with you. So you might as well stay stupid."

fourteen year-old boys will love this one





A ward in the hospital, not a command.

name that o.r. equipment, part the third

This one's a little challenging.




OK, one big hint. See that red digital display? At the beginning of the case, it was set to "10.0". By the middleish-end of the case, I changed it to read "42.0". I could tell you the units, but that would really give the whole thing away.

Plus, do not be fooled by the brand name.




You may have heard of "gaydar," but let me assure you that the aforementioned refers more to a sense of intuition, not an actual physical machine.

caution




Something makes me feel like this person has had his "CAUTION, WET FLOOR" sign stolen one too many times in the past.

i believe this is known as "gibbering"

I think you can always tell which nights I'm on call, because a.) my daily post goes up very late, close to midnight, and b.) it does not make much sense. Like today, I will post these pictures of electrical thingies (technical speak) on the sides of buildings on the medical campus that look like other things.




Googly eyes. And below:




Robot faces. The one eye lit up, especially, looks like the Borg. Yes, I referenced THE BORG, what of it? I am a nerd! Why are they so advanced and yet fly around space in a cube, one of the least aerodynamic shapes possible? These are the unanswered questions.

OK, gotta go to sleep. I was only (ha, "only") short call today, which means that I don't get post-call day off, which means that even though I left work very, very late, I still have to go in and work again ALL DAY TOMORROW. Such is life.

and a happy new year




Today, in the OR, while doing a case under spinal anesthesia...


MICHELLE
(Peeking head over drape)
Hey, Eric?

SURGERY RESIDENT
Yeah?

MICHELLE
You're Chinese, right?

SURGERY RESIDENT
Yeah, why?

MICHELLE
So today is Chinese New Year's Eve, right? Do you know what animal it is this year?

SURGERY RESIDENT
Rat. It's the year of the rat.

MICHELLE
Oh. That's unfortunate.

SCRUB TECH
Year of the rat?

MICHELLE
That's kind of a PR issue. Who wants to say that they're born in the year of the rat?

SURGERY RESIDENT
Well, rats are supposed to have good qualities too. Like...they're sneaky.

MICHELLE
That's a good quality?

SURGERY RESIDENT
If sneakiness is called for.

MICHELLE
What year were you born in?

SURGERY RESIDENT
Me? Year of the tiger.

MICHELLE
Oh yeah? Like my mom.

SURGERY RESIDENT
How about you?

MICHELLE
Year of the horse.

SURGERY RESIDENT
Ah, 1978.

MICHELLE
You really know your Chinese zodiac, dude.

SCRUB TECH
Year of the horse?

MICHELLE
I'd rather be a horse than a rat, man.
(Looking at the patient)
Do you know what year you were born in? Which Chinese zodiac animal you are, I mean?

PATIENT
(Casually)
Oh, I was born in the year of the rat.

MICHELLE
(Backtracking)
Oh, I...um...that's a good...

PATIENT
Just kidding.

the holdout




Here it is, the one soda machine in the hospital that still only (ha, "only") charges $1.50 for a 20 oz. bottle of soda. (All the other machines in the hospital charge $1.75.) I'm not sure why this one is the holdout, but I suspect that since this machine is located in an unlit closet somewhere deep in the Pediatrics call suite, the soda company has forgotten that it exists.

feeders and growers




I find it very cute, not to mention fitting, that the theme for the Neonatal ICU at [Children's Hospital] is "The Very Hungry Caterpillar."

roast beast

I have been to a lot of work midday holiday parties in my time, most of the cookies-and-punch variety.





However, seeing a suckling pig in the Anesthesia lounge was a first.

eye'll be home for christmas




A Christmas tree set up in the window of this LASIK factory in our neighborhood. We have long suspected that this is not quite the most professional bastion of medical practice we've ever seen (case in point: the procedure room is in front of a floor-to-ceiling window deliberately in full view of pedestrian street traffic, right next to the giant plasma screen TV and scrolling multicolor Times Square ticker advertising the good doctor's services), but in case these was any doubt, let's take a closer look at these ornaments.





I mean, I could see how that might be cute and all, under the right circumstances, but given the whole Vegas-style office picture, I think they may have chased away their two remaining possible patients.

branded




I was wearing this sweatshirt over my scrubs this morning when one of the anesthesia techs stopped me.


TECH
Is that your husband's name?

MICHELLE
What? (Looking down) Oh "Spence"? No!
No no no! That's the name of the high school my sister went to.

TECH
Oh.

MICHELLE
What, you really think I would wear a sweatshirt with my husband's name
printed in giant letters across my chest? Please.

TECH
Well, you know, that's why I was like, damn.

shhh!



Sometimes I like to take pictures of funny signs, because I am juvenile like that. Today, in the atrium of the lobby, I saw the sign picture above, which was funny not for what it said (it was for a reception and some sort of executive steering committee), but for this:




The above which I picture as being included with a bundled software package under the heading "Maxxx Impact Clipart!" So be quiet. TO THE EXTREME!!!

On a related note of secrecy and shushery, I have some relatively big news that I'm going to share soon. I want to wait just a little longer before I tell everyone, but keep watching this space. It is fairly exciting. TO THE EXTREME!!!

lights, camera





SCRUB TECH
Are you ready?

MICHELLE
Ready for what?

SCRUB TECH
The webcast.

MICHELLE
What webcast?

SCRUB TECH
They're webcasting the case in your room.

MICHELLE
Oh lord. Really?

SCRUB TECH
Yeah. There's going to be a camera crew and everything. For some sort of surgical instructional video. It's going to be on the Internet. You know. A webcast.

MICHELLE
Well, good thing I'm wearing my EXTRA FANCY scrubs.