the underwear drawer

services

Dr. Garvey's funeral services were quite nice. Is it OK to say that about a funeral? But it was. The church was beautiful, and I loved seeing her family and hearing them tell stories about her. I don't know why, but I just got such a kick out of thinking about her as a kid in New York circa the 1940s, or as a young college student at Wellesley in the white-glove days.

The service was packed, and scanning the faces was like a Who's Who of important players at [University Hospital] and the med school. I kept craning my head back to see who was sitting behind me and who was walking in, and every few seconds, I was like, "Wow, that's Dr. _____!" or "Look, it's Dr. _____!" It was like the All-Stars. She was important to a lot of people, that much was obvious.

The mass was held at a Catholic church, and, despite the solemnity of the affair, I could not help but have my standard Church Anxiety throughout the service. I never know what I'm supposed to do at these things. I maintained a good front, I think, but my internal monologue was going haywire. Clearly there is something very wrong with me.

Wait, what page did that robe-lady say to flip to? Man, the acoustics in this place suck. Oh now everyone's singing. What page? Where's the damn bible or hymn book or whatever? Oh wait, it's "Amazing Grace." I know that one. Was bliiiind, but noooow I seee. Wait, there are more verses? Shoot. What page? Oh, sit down now? Good. Wait, people are talking back to the preacher guy. First he says something, then we're supposed to say something back. How are we supposed to know what to say? And when? Oh, stand up again? Another song. Uh-oh, I don't know this one. Maybe I'll just hum along. Hmmmm. Hmmmm. Oh, sit down again. Wait, kneel? On those little cushion things? Maybe I'll just not do that. Is it rude not to pray when they say, "let us pray"? But wouldn't it be rude to just pretend to pray when you're not really religious? Oh wait, stand up. Now everyone's shaking hands and hugging and kissing each other. Is it over? Oh, we're just supposed to be loving our neighbors or whatever the guy said. Now everyone's lining up to eat the bread and drink the wine. Body of Christ, Body of Christ. Should I line up too? No, I probably shouldn't. But I wonder what it tastes like? I wonder what kind of wine they have? Box wine? Is box wine sacrelidge?

After the service, I rushed back across town and went to clinic. Not too bad today, maybe because the weather's starting to turn warm again. Maybe it's really Spring this time, not fake Spring like a couple of weeks ago, right before it started snowing for five days straight.