the underwear drawer

sleazy t-shirt woe

I went to Old Navy this weekend to score some cheap t-shirts to wear to work. It's like the opposite of "Casual Friday" in the ER. Every day is t-shirts and sneakers. Come in wearing a skirt and some heels and everyone immediately assumes that you're interviewing for a grant of some sort. So anyway, Old Navy. I'm not a huge graphic t-shirt person, especially t-shirts with saucy writing on them, but I did find a cute navy blue t-shirt on sale that said "GYMNASTICS" across the chest in faded white writing. Kinda like a retro team shirt or something. I figured hey, the price is right, the size is right, what the hell. Not until I got home and unfolded the damn thing do I see that there's writing on the back of the t-shirt too. What does the writing say? "PERFECT 10." Oh lord. Now I can never wear it out of the house. Who goes around with a t-shirt advertising that they're a "PERFECT 10?" It's like those scary little preteens that walk around with skimpy little belly tees with the words "PORN STAR" emblazoned across the front in glue-gunned rhinestones. So the moral of the story is: always unfold the t-shirt before you buy it. But that doesn't just go for t-shirts. I once bought these super-sale boxer shorts from the Gap right after Christmas. I thought they were just plain blue--long story short, I unfolded the boxers at home and the words "STOCKING STUFFER" were written across the ass in giant white writing. Stocking stuffer? What does that even mean?

Currently reading: "Candy Freak." I thought this would be similar to "Fast Food Nation" and its ilk, but it's actually much less journalistic and more like the work of a memorist. Funny stuff, and I can totally relate, being a total candy freak myself. This book has inspired me to go out and buy a big bag of Red Vines. I think I prefer them to Twizzlers, there's something about that artificial, vaguely medicinal cherry flavor that appeals to me.