Saturday, September 11, 2004


Strange. After the psychotic break yesterday, my keyboard seems to have reverted to normal. I shant question it.

There's a lot of things I could talk about. Today is September 11th, again, so I could talk about that. But I've done that before, and there's really not much more that I have to say about that terrible day, except that even three years later, any brilliantly sunny, mild day will make me think back to that Tuesday and remember how beautiful the weather was, and how all the more jarringly surreal that made everything. And how, when I least expect it, a low-flying plane across the New York skyline will make me pause for just a moment and hold my breath until slowly, slowly, I usher it safely out of view.

I could talk about the dog, and how we got her this gigantic smoked beef bone as a present for her birthday...but then I'd have to reveal how lame we are because 1.) we calculated the dog's birthday 2.) we give her presents for her birthday, and 3.) we are a weird, childless couple who tells stories about their dog until everyone is bored to tears, because we think our dog is people. So I choose not to talk about that either.

I could talk about the baby in the NICU that I'm taking care of, who was born at 23 and a half weeks for various and sundry reasons, and who I basically thought was going to die within hours because she was basically a fetus, all transparent skinned and fused eyes and tiny labored breaths. But the parents wanted everything done, and despite some ethical reservations, we acquiesced and the kid surprised all of us by not only not dying, but doing unbelievably well on minimal support. I mean, minimal considering that she was born at 23 and a half weeks gestation. She's only on room air CPAP, for crying out loud! So I could talk about how some kids are freaky and amazing that way. Or I could avoid talking about work altogether, since it's my weekend off, the first weekend in more than a month that I've not had to spend either at a wedding or a hospital.

I could talk about how I'm worried about our new intern class, because they seem really tired and depressed and beat down already, even though it's only September. Usually morale hits a low around January or February, though last year we had a biphasic low due to an early start to flu season. The hospital has been extremely busy, and there's a lot to deal with, especially for the newbies. It just freaks me to see them like that, all dead-eyed and bitter, when just three months ago they were so dewy and enthusiastic, fresh out of medical school. I just don't really know what to do about it. And I'm concerned about how this bodes for my block as Ward Senior this fall. I want our team to be happy, dammit! Happy interns, happy happy! Even if we are in the hospital over Thanksgiving! But I'm not going to talk about that either, because once I say that, then our program is going to get some malignant rep that'll keep all the good applicants away, and we'll end up next year with a class of suckers. I don't know why I care so much, since I'll be doing Anesthesia by next Spring. But I do.

I could talk about the cool weather and how it makes me want to go out and purchase a whole new fall wardrobe, but how in the interest of money management, it would probably be better for me just to go out and look at other people's new fall wardrobes. Or, instead of talking about it, I could just go out and do that right now. So I will. I will go out and window shop and maybe swing by the bookstore to see if they're carrying Art Speigleman's new book. And then I will come home and rest, because my friend Andy is back in town from down south, and I want to be ready for our big night out of ethnic delights, the likes of which Chapel Hill has never seen.

Currently reading: "The Time Traveler's Wife." I'm thinking of taking Jenn up on her suggestion and making a separate page of book reviews and recommendations. Each book review could be a separate post, and we could use the comments section for each post to discuss. It could be like Book Club! Fun, and a little bit nerdy. That's the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it, uh huh uh huh.

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