the underwear drawer

conversations with a six-week old


MICHELLE
So Mommy has to go back to work on Tuesday.

CAL
(Staring)

MICHELLE
Oh, work? Work is this thing I do where I go into the hospital--you remember the hospital, don't you?--and stay there all day, helping sick people.

CAL
(Staring)

MICHELLE
So I'm not going to be spending the days with you anymore, except for on the weekends.

CAL
(Burp)

MICHELLE
But you're going to have fun here at home. Fun with Miss Georgia. Fun with Cooper.

CAL
(Staring)

MICHELLE
They're going to take good care of you until Mommy and Daddy come home in the evening.

CAL
(Farting)

MICHELLE
Of course, what time I come home in the evening is going to be variable. And some nights I won't be able to come home at all. But Daddy will be here with you. And then I'll see you the next morning.

CAL
(Staring)

MICHELLE
Mommy likes her job, but remember, she loves you.

CAL
(Staring)

MICHELLE
She loves you! Loves! You! And even though she cares about those sick people at work, she's going to be thinking about you every second! She's going to bring your picture to work and call you on the phone during her lunch break and pump milk for you to drink while she's gone! Because she loves you! Mommy loves her baby!

CAL
(Looking a little frightened of the crazy woman)

MICHELLE
And you know, just because Mommy has to go to work doesn't mean she loves you any less. And we'll still have most of our evenings to play, and almost all of our weekends.

CAL
(Either pooping or concentrating very hard)

MICHELLE
Mommy's happy about going back to work, but also sad because she's going to miss you. Do you understand what that's like? Are you familiar with the word "bittersweet?"

CAL
(Staring)

MICHELLE
Or are you just happy that I'm going to be out of the house so that you can torch the place?

CAL




Currently reading: Just trying to keep up with the news, what with Hurricane Katrina and the nightmare in New Orleans, and now the disastrous second spot opening up on the Supreme Court for a Bush nominee. Ai yi yi, it's a bad week for America. Have you donated yet for the Katrina relief efforts? It'll only take a second. Times are tight, but Joe and I donated money because we want to put our money where our mouth is, and the thought of all those babies with no food or diapers was too much for us. And, for those of you who are not upset enough already, here are two op-eds from The New York Times that will infuriate you.