Thursday, September 08, 2005

war of the worlds

I think that I'm a pretty good mother so far, and that in general, I'm a pretty good resident, but I don't know how great I am at doing both at the same time. I spent my day in the OR yesterday in a state of furrowed brow confusion as things were happening around me (I'm still supposed to be one-on-one with an attending for one more week before being thrown to the wolves, but the reality has been a little more chaotic than that), and my evening at home struggling to stay awake as Cal sat on my stomach, grinning and cooing at the lamp. Seriously, he was having this whole interaction with the LAMP. What about ME? You know, the mother-figure. I guess he prefers his wire mother.

This first week back has been a whirlwind. In some ways, it's been a little bit easier than I thought it would be (see: I didn't cry when I left the house on Tuesday morning) but in other ways, it's been much, much harder (see: realizing that this is the way I'm going to be living THE REST OF MY LIFE, or at least for the immediate future). Everyone says it gets easier, on both the motherhood front and the work front, but I don't think I've heard anyone saying that it gets significantly easier to do both at the same time.

Currently reading: "Anesthesia Secrets," because it's smaller than my textbook and I can read it on the subway.

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