Monday, November 14, 2005

ballad of a sad boob

When you think of a lactation room, what comes to mind? Maybe floor-to-ceiling windows with gauzy curtains? Woodcut prints of mother and child? Gliders is muted earth tones? Enya piped in through hidden speakers? Or is it this:




This is my lactation room. Actually, despite looking like the Thai prison in "Brokedown Palace," it's a bathroom. Depressing, no? And to make things worse the past few days, I've come in to find a mop and a bucket leaning next to my setup. One time, they even took the bedsheet I use to conceal the works (to thwart potential nefarious pump thieves, and because not everyone likes to see boob pumps all out in the open) and used it to cover up the cleaning equipment. OK, first of all, why do the mop and bucket have to be concealed? Do you think you're going to pull one over on JCAHO by covering your nastiness with a SHEET? In this whole, giant hospital, isn't there a cleaning supply closet for that kind of thing? And secondly, they're using my pumping setup sheet (which touches my pumping supplies which touches my milk which touches the alimentary canal of MY CHILD) on top of a MOP that is used to sop up URINE off the bathroom floor. Yes, yes, I know, I'm pumping in the bathroom, but there's nowhere else to go. This all is not conducive to happy times.

Plus, after some ill-timed bragging about how well this whole breastfeeding thing was going, I seem to have come down with a classic case of mastitis. At first, it just hurt a little (to be clear: MY BOOB) and I just thought I would ride it out. But then later last night, I had the full-blown symptoms: increasing pain, redness, chills, myalgias. The only thing I didn't have was fever. I'm no OB-Gyn, but that sounds like mastitis to me. I knew that if I called my doctor, she would probably just pussyfoot around the whole thing, encouraging WARM COMPRESSES and HYDRATION and FREQUENT NURSING THROUGHOUT THE DAY (ha) and PLENTY OF REST (ha ha), and LET'S FOLLOW UP IN TWO OR THREE DAYS AND SEE HOW IT'S GOING...but dammit, despite the fact that I give that line to my patients all the time, I am very impatient and I know what I need and I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DICK AROUND. So I started myself on a ten day course of Augmentin. This is the one perk of my job, that when it comes to simple things like this, I can decide how I want to treat myself when I want to be treated. I took a good loading dose last night along with some Motrin, and I'm feeling a little bit better this morning. A little.

My boob is sad.

Currently eating: Cold quesedillas next to the mop.

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