the underwear drawer

sunday potpourri

I realized the other day that I haven't had a dream about work for quite a long time. The first few months of my anesthesia residency, I dreamed about work constantly. Anything from a complete storyline to banal little vignettes of me drawing up meds and listening to pulse ox tones. There was just so much anxiety and so much to learn that I couldn't shut my brain off, even at night. Nowadays, there's still so much to learn, but the major anxiety--fearing that my patients were going to drop dead any second because of my inexperienced hands--has largely faded. Which I guess means that I may be ready for my second year. Almost.

Lord, I can't believe I've been at this for almost three years, and I'm still a resident. With two years and three more months to go. Can't we just speed up the film and get to the climactic end scene already? The one where I walk out of the hospital beaming and jump in the air, as they freeze-frame and the credits roll?


* * *


Joe was talking to his mom on the phone today when she mentioned that she was reading my website. Part of me doesn't know how she found it, and the other part of me is wondering what took her so long. Dang. I mean, not that I mind...really...but it is kind of weird. Just like when it was weird when I realized that my own mom started to read the page, and she started to pipe up with all sorts of opinions and commentary on stuff that I had never discussed with her in person. The thing is, you can't really tell someone not to read your site, because, you know, they're just going to read it on the sly anyway, and then they might get mad because HOW COME YOU CAN DISCUSS YOUR LIFE WITH STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET BUT NOT WITH ME? So now I can't talk smack about Joe's mom anymore and how she's really a clown costume-wearing psycho killer with bodies buried in her backyard.

Just kidding, Joe's mom! I love you! If you're still reading this page! Which I know you still are! Because the temptation is too great!

(Don't kill me!)


* * *


I think I almost got some guy at Trader Joe's fired today.


MICHELLE
(Looking at burgers in the frozen food aisle)

SALESGUY
(Pointing at the "Southwest Burger")
I think those are really good.

MICHELLE
Yeah? They look good.

SALESGUY
(Pointing at the "Buffalo Burger")
Those are really good too.

MICHELLE
Yeah? Thanks, I think I'll take one of those.

SALESGUY
(Pointing at another box)
Those you can only eat once in a while, though.

MICHELLE
Why?

SALESGUY
Because...
(lifting box to show nutritional information, which shows that each patty contains almost 700 calories)

MICHELLE
(Studying box)
Woah, stuffed with blue cheese and bacon, huh?

SALESGUY
Yeah.

MICHELLE
I call that "The Artery Buster." I thought this store was supposed to be all wholesome and whatnot.

SALESGUY
(Starting to look nervous, darting furtive looks up and down the aisle)
Well, ha ha, yeah, you know what they say, all in moderation, right? I mean, you don't have to eat it every day! Or you could cut it up for appetizers! And serve it at parties! It's not that bad for you!

MICHELLE
That's OK, I don't like blue cheese anyway.


I'm going to see that guy out on the street tomorrow afternoon with a cardboard sign and an empty coffee cup in front of him.

Currently eating: Green tea gelato.