Friday, May 18, 2007

blame the red chinese

I would have updated yesterday, but our internet access was down. Also, because I had THE PLAGUE. What do you call this? Really sore throat, total body myalgias, inability to walk straight. At my most rational, I recognized that it was probably either some sort of passing viral syndrome or possibly fallout from my seasonal allergies, but during some paranoid moments during the day, I speculated that I might have rhabdo. My muscles were really sore, OK? Like, for real. One of my classmates asked me if they were sore because I had gone to the gym the day before, and I just had to laugh and laugh and laugh before collapsing in a heap in the corner. (I did manage to get through my day at work, however. You know residents aren't allowed to get sick.)

Joe's new favorite new joke is to blame all ills in life on the Chinese dog food. So of course he asked me yesterday if I had been eating melamine-spiked kibble. He also asked one of his glaucoma fellows at work (who had been sick for about a week, and also happened to be Chinese) if she had been eating Chinese dog food. Unfortunately, she actually didn't know anything about the dog food recall (perhaps because she doesn't have a dog, and because she lives in a CAVE) and she probably thought he was making some racist joke about how all Chinese people eat dogs. Which we don't. Though I have to say, if I were in China and someone cooked dog, I would try some. Why not? It's not like they cooked my dog. And I eat cows and chickens and raw fish and all sorts of other things. I am open to new foods.

Cooper's better, by the way. Totally back to normal. I took a picture of her being normal and eating normal things and pooping normally (OK, I didn't actually take a picture of her pooping, but I thought about it) but those pictures are still on my camera at home, which is where they will probably stay until the next time Joe archives our memory card, at which time he'll ask "why did you take all these blurry pictures of Cooper running around?" So thank you for your get well wishes. Apparently they worked.

Oh, and since we're on the subject of updates, a word about my mother-in-law. Perhaps some of you were worried that I was being an evil and mean daughter-in-law by poking fun at my mother-in-law's foibles. (I can't keep writing "mother-in-law." Too many hyphens. I'll just say "Joe's mom," OK?) Well, I think you were very nice to be concerned. And it certainly wouldn't be the only time that I wrote something ill-advised on this website. (See: the entire content of the archives 2000-2001. Actually, don't look. It's too embarrassing.) But let me explain something to you about Joe's mom. I could tell you about her sense of humor. I could tell you about how she has a delicious appreciation for the stereotypes of the classic mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship. I could tell you about her technological savvy, and how she's more internet-friendly than most people her age (as opposed to my parents, who can barely get their minds around the fact that you can check the WEATHER on the INTERNET, or the fact that my mom, in all earnestness, e-mailed me a few years ago that there was this website called that I should really check out because it was really very helpful and informative). I could tell you all those things. But instead, I will tell you one thing that will succinctly explain it all, and then you will understand.


And that's all I have to say about that.

(No, there will not be a link. Not that it matters, because it is password protected and only CERTAIN SPECIAL PEOPLE can read it. And I am pleased to report that while I am on the certain special people list, Joe is not. It's for girls only.)

Currently listening to: Hillary Clinton's campaign theme song nominees. I haven't quite decided who I'm going to vote for yet (it's a little early yet, I think, though I feel like if the Republicans keep shooting themselves in the foot with all their missteps, we're in for a really historic election) but it's fun to listen to all the songs and vote. For the record, I voted for "Suddenly I See." It's kind of girly, but so is she.