Saturday, May 19, 2007

oh captain my captain


MICHELLE
So did you pick up the package from the lobby?

JOE
(Coming in the front door)
Have you ever experienced true power?

MICHELLE
What?

JOE
I said, have you ever experienced true power?

MICHELLE
Is this related to the package? It had better not be some stupid piece of ophthalmologic surgical equipment. Some cornea picker or whatever.

JOE
Because if you're good, I'll let you sit in it.

MICHELLE
What the hell are you talking about?

JOE
It's here.




MICHELLE
Oh my god. The captain's chair. Wait, I have to get the camera.

JOE
This had better not be "assembly required."

MICHELLE
No way man! It's a captain's chair! If it needed to be assembled, it wouldn't come in that big-ass box. It would come in, like, a flat IKEA box, with that little L-shaped thing.




JOE
I can't believe they really got me this.

MICHELLE
Well, it's nice of them. But you know what would be more nice? Money. But now we actually have to pay money to cart this thing around every time we move. They've actually taken money away from us.

JOE
OK, I'm lifting it out.




MICHELLE
Wow, it looks like those chairs in the Dean's Office. Minus the blood stains.

JOE
Where are we going to put this thing?

MICHELLE
In the room with all our other collectible monogrammed furniture. Oh wait.



JOE
Well, at least they spelled my name right. Except the dates on it make it look like I'm dead. "In memoriam, 2004-2007."

MICHELLE
Maybe this is the department's way of telling you that they're going to kill you in a few weeks.

JOE
So here's the new rule. When I sit in the captain's chair, you have to do whatever I say. Because I'm the captain.

MICHELLE
Um...no.




JOE
Get me a drink, woman!

MICHELLE
I'm going to take the box down to the recycling bin.

JOE
Yes. Make it so.

CAL
Wow! Big box!

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