the underwear drawer

the book of job

How does one apply for a job, anyway? I'm not talking about a residency or a fellowship--that application process follows a very specific structure, and I'm down with that. But I mean a real job. A job Out There in the Real World. In my elaborate fantasy life, it would be like the world's shortest one-act play.


MICHELLE
Hi. I am smart and a good work person. You give me job now, please.

EMPLOYER
Why?

MICHELLE
Because I need it.

EMPLOYER
Well...OK. Also, would you like some money?

MICHELLE
OK.

(FIN.)


However, I believe there is probably a little more to it than that.

After some amount of procrastination (I wanted to do these things, but somehow the very thought of it just made me so tired--anyway, I got out late from work many days this week) I did the following. The first thing was to pull my CV out of moth balls and give it a polish. I erased some old things (I figure no one needs to know my volunteer work in college anymore) and put in some new things, like, oh, MY TRAINING AS AN ANESTHESIOLOGIST. Secondly, I pulled up the Google Map of Atlanta, and wrote down all the little pink squares--I mean hospitals--in around and far from Academic Medical Center. Finally, I Googled the name of each hospital (seriously, what did we do before the Internet? Would I have had to go to the library and ask for a phonebook of Atlanta, Georgia? Probably yes.) and wrote down the addresses and phone numbers of the anesthesia groups staffing each hospital.

I lost my will to live before I could proceed any further, but the next step will be calling all these places and sending in my CV. And then telling them that I am smart and a good work person and that they should give me a job now, please. Everyone keeps telling me that the anesthesia job market in Georgia is good and that I'm a good resident coming out of a top residency program so I should just relax, to which I respond, "What makes you think I'm not relaxed? The face that I no longer have any fingernails with which to CLAW MY OWN FACE OFF? I'M RELAXED!"

(Can I have a job?)