the underwear drawer

no patients were harmed during the writing of this post

The problem with making a commitment to post on this site every day comes at 11:30pm when you're on call, and you realize that you have yet to post something. Patient care be damned, it's time to POST ON MY BLOG.

(Just kidding. I'm not in the OR. All the patients are fine.)

(So far.)

Anyway, let's make this a short one, and please ignore any grammatical or spelling errors. This is, like, FREE ASSOCIATION POST. On the fly. So spontaneous!

I am excited these days, because since I recently stepped up the intensity of my job search (read: actually mailing my CV out and calling people, as opposed to listlessly staring at a map of Atlanta and wishing that I could win the lottery), I have lined up not one, not two, but THREE job interviews! Interviews are just interviews, of course, but I am feeling more reassured that I might actually come through this thing with an actual job. Giving anesthesia, even, not just a job folding jeans at the Gap. (My other dream profession, you know. I would fold them so neatly. Plus, I could use that little board they have to fold shirts and sweaters that turns them all into perfect rectangles ready for display. Now tell me that's not gratifying.)

I realize that I am almost thirty years old and have never actually a real job. I mean, yes, I've had jobs, but they're all those academic-type volunteer/research/stipend jobs, not actual JOBS with salaries and benefits and the like. I guess residency is the closest I've come to having what people would classically think of as a "job," though I know few residents that think of their roles in the hospital in that way. We more consider residency a combination of school, slave labor, and a necessary means to an end.

But when you're starting to look to the future, there's something reassuring about residency, you know? It's so mapped out for us, we hardly have to think of what to do next. Looking beyond residency is not just a little bit scary, because there's something very comforting about having people telling you what to do all the time. Not that you always want to listen, but there are other people bearing the ultimate responsibility, and they are always there. Not that being a resident forever would be satisfying, and after five years of post-graduate training I'm more than ready to strike out on my own, but...man. That first step is a doozy.

OK, back to work.