Monday, November 17, 2003

aliza also read "sweet valley high"

Finally, the Super came by. Now that I'm no longer under house arrest, I think I'll take the dog to the park and maybe do some Christmas shopping afterwards. It might be a little early, but I don't think I'm going to have any time after vacation.

And here, with her Sweet Valley Memories, is Aliza. Thanks for the e-mail, Aliza!

Do you remember the one where Jessica was all worried that Elizabeth was going to be elected Prom Queen (or Snowflake Queen or some such), so she spiked Elizabeth's drink? Then of course Elizabeth took off with Jessica's boyfriend (Sam?), and because she was driving drunk, she got in a car accident. Anyway, she ended up facing manslaughter charges but she got off (and don't worry, Jessica fessed up, and they made up in the end).

Also, there was the one where Jessica was going to enter Miss Sweet Valley Teen or something like that, and Elizabeth was all feminist and told her to stop demeaning women, but Jessica entered anyway. She won too (although Elizabeth had to dress up as Jessica--i.e., kinda slutty--for the swimsuit competition), but then she found out the prizes were crappy.

Ah, memories.

Occurs to me that Jessica did some pretty shitty things to Elizabeth. Like in the aforementioned book where Elizabeth gets into an accident on Todd's motorcycle and becomes a slut after she falls in a coma? The reason she got on the bike in the first place (she did not approve of motorcycles, you see) was because Jessica stood her up so that Elizabeth had no ride home in the ever-present red Fiat spider. And though I can't think of further concrete examples, I'm sure there were futher lies and manipulations on Jessica's part to her doormat twin. Still, I like Jessica better. Elizabeth is such a goober. Put that in "The Eyes and Ears," why don't you?

The thing I hated most about Elizabeth is how she was supposed to be this amazing WRITER, and how she was this CRACK JOURNALIST and how Mr. Collins (the English teacher who looked just like Robert Redford) just LOVED his STAR STUDENT. Um, excuse me, but vomit. Remember that one book where Ken, the SVH quarterback, was going to fail English because he didn't have time to do his homework, but then he totally stole one of Elizabeth's compositions and everyone started thinking that he was the greatest writer on the history of the planet? BECAUSE HE SUBMITTED ELIZABETH'S STORY! And then this snooty girl that Ken was making a play for was all impressed and dragged him to all these poetry readings and such? But Elizabeth found out that Ken copied! But instead of getting super-pissed, she just talks him into confessing, and then Ken writes this jock-story to replace his totally PLAGARIZED composition (I believe the essay was entitled "Offsides") and it was also awesome, though they made sure to note that he had a lot of typos in it. (Unlike Elizabeth, who is so perfect that she undoubtably had Correct Tape for her typewriter.) And then at the end of the story, Ken dumps the snooty girl on her ass, because she was trying too hard to CHANGE him into SOMEONE HE WASN'T. Yeah! A valuable lesson was learned here.

Further Sweet Valley Memories will be posted here as they are recieved.

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