the underwear drawer

she's got leggings, and she knows how to use them

Because of the unusually cold weather lately, my mom has been on my case about getting some leggings.


MA
You should get some leggings.

MICHELLE
Why?

MA
To wear under your pants!

MICHELLE
Oh, you mean like thermal underwear?

MA
Yes, but leggings!

MICHELLE
Yeah, I was thinking of doing something like that. Those scrubs do get a little bit breezy with nothing underneath them.

MA
YOU'VE BEEN WEARING SCRUBS WITHOUT LEGGINGS?
(Faints with horror)


This led to some detailed description about the acquisition of leggings. What leggings look like, what colors are available, where to purchase them for cheap. Now, I'm not a huge fan of leggings (they speak to me of ripped sweatshirts and the 80's, and have the unfortunate feature of making even the slimmest individual look like they have a giant fat ass), but I figured they were benign enough if worn as an inner layer, tucked away from the sight-line of the world. So I agreed to get leggings. I just didn't actually go out and buy any leggings, because the idea of making some special trip out into the subzero weather to buy skintight Lycra was just not appealing.

Then, yesterday:


PHONE
(Ring ring)

MICHELLE
(Picking up)
Hello?

MA
It's Ma.

MICHELLE
Yes.

MA
Did you get the leggings?

MICHELLE
Uh...no, not yet.

MA
Why not? Why didn't you get the leggings?

MICHELLE
Because...I didn't get around to it yet.

MA
Listen, I'm in your neighborhood, next to the leggings store--

MICHELLE
The leggings store?

MA
--and if you want, I could pick you up a few pairs. They're 3 for $10.

MICHELLE
Well, I guess, if it's not too inconvenient for you, or out of your way...

MA
Instead of size small, I could get a size medium to fit YOUR STOMACH. But anyway, it'll be fine because they're STRETCHY.

MICHELLE
Uh, OK then, thanks. I guess I could use them now, it is pretty cold out.

MA
I'll drop them off in a few minutes. I'll drop off the leggings.

MICHELLE
Stop saying "leggings!"


So the leggings, they are not so fashionable. And they do make my ass look huge, though I'm really not a large-assed individuals. They give you body image problems, these leggings do! But oh man, do they work. I had to take the 1/9 to clinic today because of the whole disaster on the A/C line, meaning that I had to walk an extra six to eight blocks to get to work, as opposed to the half-block that I usually have to navigate from the A train. And that wind was ripping through me, and my fingers were numb, and I was getting little icicles on my beard like in those IMAX movies about climbing Mount Everest--but my legs, my LEGS were relatively insulated. For the first time this winter, my legs were warm. All because of those leggings. Those horrorshow Flashdance leggings that I was wearing under my pants.

Yay for leggings!

Currently reading: "On Writing," a non-fiction book about the craft of writing, penned by Stephen King himself. I liked the memoir parts of the book the best, but there are some interesting "writer's workshop" bits and tips on getting published that I thought were pretty interesting too. I'm bummed though, that the second edition cover art was changed around to this spooky attic tableau, to make it more "horror" looking. People, he didn't write a horror novel this time! Just because he's STEPHEN KING doesn't mean you have to juice everything up within an inch of its life--just leave it alone instead of tarting everything up all the time.