Thursday, April 07, 2011

but I guess that's what photoshop is for

These are the last vacation pictures I'm going to post, I promise, because I'm pretty sure there's no faster way to get people to want to punch you in the mouth than forcing them to look at your vacation pictures.  Probably the only thing worse than that is coercing people to read the manuscript of the book you're writing--believe it or not, I didn't even ask Joe to read my book until I got the galleys, and he's contractually obligated to do whatever I say.

Anyway, we were on vacation, and we thought it might be nice to get a family photo.  That's not too much to ask, is it?  We were all standing around on the beach already and it was the golden hour (which makes everyone look attractive), so it seemed like as good a time as any.  So we got Joe's mom to hold our camera, wrestled the two kids into our lap, and gritted our teeth together rasping "happy family happy family happy family" under our breaths.  Click.




JOE: I always have a good photo face!

MICHELLE: While I will use my standard "not quite smiling but pleasant" photo face!  And maybe if I tickle Mack, he will smile!

MACK: NO.

CAL: And I will grab Dad's balls!




JOE: Not only do I always have a good photo face, I can maintain the same face for a long time!

MICHELLE: Dammit, now Mack is trying to get away.  Let me pull him close to me to create a simulacrum of filial devotion.

MACK: GRAA, T. REX EAT MACK HAND.

CAL: Never has anyone ever sat more awkwardly in a lap than I am sitting in Dad's lap right now.  But never mind.  Blue Steel!  Magnum!  El Tigre!




JOE: See?  I'm still doing it!  My face, it does not move!  Ever!

MACK: GRAARAAAH!  T. REX EAT HAND EAT ROCK EAT STICKS T. REX EAT IT.

CAL: I tire of this.  The energy of this shoot is all wrong.




JOE: In fact, I might be a wax statue, for all you can tell!

MACK: BUGS! BUGS FLY ON MACK!  NO LIKE THAT!  BUGS!




JOE: The truth is, I died an hour ago, and nobody noticed!  It's called rigor mortis, bitches!

MACK: BUGS ON NECK NOW! BUGS!  NO LIKE BUGS ON NECK! T. REX EAT!

MICHELLE: (Eyeing possible escape routes.)

54 comments:

  1. Anonymous7:55 PM

    okay, this is hilarious. I laughed really hard.

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  2. If you photoshop the last picture of Cal and Joe into the first picture with you and Mack it will be a perfect family photo and no one (except readers of this blog) will *ever* find out.

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  3. Quite possibly the funniest post you have written! Absolutely love it! I laughed out loud, literally. Great stuff!

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  4. ROFLMAO! Love your captions!!!

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  5. Lindsey8:05 PM

    LOVE IT !
    I was dying laughing.

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  6. Anonymous8:06 PM

    cute

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  7. HEE! Oh wow, best vacation photo ever.

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  8. Anonymous8:17 PM

    LOL! Joe has mad skillz.

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  9. Anonymous8:25 PM

    The best bit is, much as Joe's face never moves.... neither does Cal's hand!

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  10. Micaela Ireland8:27 PM

    This is so hysterical!!! I was crying from laughter!! Maybe Joe is a wax statue!..at least in these pictures anyway.

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  11. Helixcardinal8:27 PM

    Funniest. Entry. Ever.

    And wow, you're right, Joe's expression really never changes!

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  12. omg so funny- i cracked up reading this. cute pictures though!

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  13. mary munchak8:29 PM

    If I print these out and do a flip book, I feel like I am there - just like mamacissy was!

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  14. That was absolutely hysterical.

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  15. HAHAHAHAHA ure seriously hysterical!

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  16. Anonymous8:52 PM

    good lord you are hilarious.

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  17. Anonymous8:55 PM

    OMG, I am dying laughing.

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  18. Lol...highlight of my night, Michelle! I think Cal inherited Joe's ability to keep his photo face on too (except for the blink photo).

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  19. Geez, he really did stay exactly the same. Lol
    l!

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  20. Anonymous10:09 PM

    I am laughing and crying out loud on-call... thanks!

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  21. Is your husband as funny as you? Because I pretty much would like to marry you and if he is half as funny as you are then I will quit school and move to Atlanta and become ya'lls slave.

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  22. Funniest captions ever! I was snickering and laughing out loud the whole way through. :D

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  23. Michelle, I've been reading your blog since 2006. I think I just laughed more at this photo narrative than I have laughed at anything you've ever written. And that's a lot of laughing.

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  24. AHHHHH I JUST LAUGHED SO HARD AT THESE CAPTIONS! :D love it

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  25. Anonymous12:49 AM

    ROFL that is fecking funny! i was laughing so hard...joe has mad skills, and what on earth is cal doing!? hahah...

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  26. I am laughed so hard. Love it!

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  27. Anonymous1:17 AM

    That is GREAT

    and I'm sorry, but this simply had to be done::
    animation!

    His head really doesn't move!

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  28. Anonymous1:18 AM

    oops, I broke it
    one more time

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  29. Anonymous2:10 AM

    Funniest Post!
    Golden hour may have even sped up the rigor mortis ;)

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  30. I was reading this post during a boring dentistry lecture, and I had to read in installments to keep my laughter to semi-concealable levels. Even so, a classmate still poked me in the back to ask if I was having a seizure!

    HILARIOUS!!!!!

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  31. That's so funny! At least you tried...

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  32. Usually when people post LOL on comments (elsewhere) I assume that what they really mean is that a faint smile crossed their face. Not so here! I needed a good laugh this morning and Michelle, you delivered the goods! Like other long-time readers, I'm pretty sure that this is the funniest thing I've ever read here. Thank you!

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  33. Is it just me, or does the funny writer lady have even better wax statue skills than her husband? Michelle, your face is even more rock solid than his. Such focus!

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  34. Yeah, but at least I moved a little, to BREATHE and stuff!

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  35. I totally laughed a long hard belly laugh with this one. I agree, one of the funniest posts ever! I always love the posts, but don't remember laughing this hard since the time you kissed Cal's poopy finger.

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  36. Anonymous3:42 PM

    Absolutely brilliant! Had a wonderful chuckle, thanks for posting!

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  37. I haven't laughed out loud at a blog in a long time, but the whole Joe thing cracked me up so badly that my husband came down to see if I had lost my mind. Let us not judge Joe too harshly, Michelle. There are benefits to being waxen, and when I think of some, I will let you know.

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  38. Anonymous9:20 PM

    I presume Joe's face is like that because he is afraid to breathe lest his balls be pinched off.
    Loved your vaca... Julia

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  39. Anonymous12:52 AM

    I recently tried to take a family photo my daughter's preschool wanted for their family wall. It took 76 shots before I was able to get two that would work (if I photoshopped them together). Nobody believed I could be serious - 76 photos to get one, you're kidding, right?

    I bet you would.

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  40. Anonymous9:56 AM

    My poor second year surgical resident husband was napping with the baby and I woke both of them up laughing. I gotta say the ball snatching pic made me laugh the hardest.

    On a side note, I may look up the costs of Hilton Head and maybe schedule our next vacation there. It looks lovely.

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  41. Kudos to Joe for holding that face while his balls were being grabbed by Cal!

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  42. Everything about these pictures is perfect, especially the captions! Thank you for the belly laugh and may your family have hundreds of wonderful vacations, happy memories, and funny pictures like these... :)

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  43. Anonymous9:57 PM

    hilarious captions!!

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  44. Anonymous1:23 AM

    i have never seen anything more funny than this!

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  45. Your Mom from NY2:11 AM

    Remember the blog written a few years back in Cooper's (the dog) name before the move from NY to Atlanta and the blog on Spam. Those also cracked me me. This one is simply brilliant. Michelle, you are one funny girl. I am really proud of you.

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  46. I usually skip other people's vacation pictures, but the commentary was hilarious.

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  47. Anonymous11:43 PM

    oh my god this was hysterical. I think I almost died laughing.

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